Still Alive...Still Not Preggers!

Wow!!!  I can't believe it's been so long since I last updated my blog!!!  I decided to take a nice, long break from blogging, TTC forums, and TTC in general.  But now I'm back and I just couldn't wait to update.

Let me get to the point: Still not pregnant.  Still fat.  Still infertile.  DH and I have hardly even talked about babies in recent months.  It's too hard.  The money ran out again, and we had to stop fertility treatments...again!  I finally got a decent paying job that I loved, only to be laid off 4 months later.  Still working EMS part time and I just started selling Mary Kay.  Oh, the things we do to have a baby!  I'm actually making a decent chunk of change selling MK, so that's been a nice surprise.  DH is due to get laid off yet again, we just aren't sure when.  We can never get the same answer twice from his boss.  So until then, he's still showing up for work everyday until they tell him not to.

Since my last post, we were able to scrounge up enough money for one more (failed) monitored and medicated cycle.  After that, we pretty much stopped everything altogether...and I mean EVERYTHING!  Which I guess wasn't all bad.  I've been doing a lot of overnights at work lately, so it only would have been added stress trying to plan a cycle around that.

I guess I could say we're "half on" for this cycle.  I've been watching the calendar somewhat, but I haven't had my full heart into it.  Kris doesn't even bring it up to me anymore.  I think it's too painful for him and he gets really bitter and angry at our present situation.  It almost hurts me MORE just knowing how much he's hurting.  I want nothing more than to give him a baby and I'm so afraid that will never happen.  We have been arguing quite a bit here lately.  I think it's the strain of everything finally catching up with us, and to be honest, I'm amazed it's taken so long.  We've been trying to get pregnant for a STAGGERING 43 cycles now!!!  Obviously, neither of us ever DREAMED we'd be in a situation like this, but I guess you have to keep rolling with the punches and you have to keep putting one foot in front of the other.  Hopefully our time is coming soon...