Your Period is a Cause For Celebration?!

So I wake up this morning with horrible cramps and realize that AF is finally coming a day late. I go to the bathroom and realize that with all of my obsession over OPKs and ICs, I've forgotten to stock up on my AF necessities. I run over to Walgreen's to pick up pads, tampons and cramp drugs. I also see they are having a sale on Ghirardelli Chocolate Squares...so of course, I need those, too. I get to the check out and the lady ringing me up says, "You've got a nice combination there." I kinda chuckled and said yeah. Then she says, "You're just having yourself a little period party...good for you!" It was so stupid that I started laughing and was STILL laughing when I got into my car. Had I been able to think on my feet this morning, I should have invited her to come! I guess I missed the memo that your "time of the month" is a reason for celebration! LOL!

My Heart Breaks Every Day...

Well, first was the "clinical" post about my new treatment plan...now is time to address the emotional.

I just found out another dearly beloved friend of mine is pregnant.  That makes 3 very close friends of mine that are expecting right now.  And that's not even counting the casual friends/acquaintances that are pregnant, which brings that number into the low double digits.  On the outside, I'm so happy for them...on the inside, I'm dying.

People just do not get it.  I cry when I find out about friends who are expecting.  I'm happy for them, obviously, but I'm so sad for me.  YOU have what I WANT...what I've been TRYING to have for 3 years!  I have to wear a mask all the time.  And if that mask slips, even for a moment, I get blamed for not being supportive.  Not supportive?!  Really?!  I grin and bear it when I hear about cravings and morning sickness.  I put on my biggest smile when I get the baby shower invites in the mail.  I LOVE having babies around and I LOVE being Aunt Megs to my own family, my god kids, and my friends kids...but Aunt Megs is not enough for me.  Your baby doesn't fill any void in my life...it makes it more apparent.

It's so hard to be angry with God, but sometimes it just can't be helped.  I want to know WHY.  I want to know why my husband and I are being punished.  I know "punished" isn't the right way to think about it, but that's how it feels.  People who don't want kids, who weren't even trying for kids, get them all the time.  When is it MY turn?  I've been waiting patiently for so long, I'm getting close to just throwing in the towel.

I cannot watch that stupid show "16 and Pregnant" because it makes me sick.  I cannot STAND when people joke around about kids being a great "tax write-off."  It makes me angry.  It hurts.  It makes me want to climb into bed and not come back out...ever!  I hate when people complain about their lack of social life because they are pregnant..."But I just wanna get wasted and wear cute clothes and hit the club!"  Really?!?  You have been given the greatest gift that could EVER be given, and you're worried about that crap?!

I think any woman in my shoes becomes bitter and jaded at some point.  There is NO REASON that any woman willing to give a child all the love in her heart should be denied her God given RIGHT to be a mommy!  I keep telling myself that my time will come...but I don't know how much more of this I can take.

New "Better Me" Plan

Sorry it's been a couple weeks since my last update.  Things have been hectic lately.  Between work and family drama and friend drama, I've been lucky to even SLEEP lately!


I went back for my follow-up with Dr. R.  I have a LOT of body issues going on, which I kind of already knew cuz I always feel like crap.  Digestive, reproductive, adrenal...you name it, it's "off" in my body.  The big thing is to start a good diet, which I've known I've needed to do for YEARS!  The end goal is to have NO CARBS...this is very difficult for me!  I haven't been following directions totally, but I'm doing better and I will one day have a 100% healthy diet.  Baby steps.


In addition to the new diet, the doctor has started me on dietary supplements.  They aren't "vitamins" but are "whole food supplements."  They are from Standard Process...here's the link if you wanna check it out.   http://www.standardprocess.com/display/router.aspx

He has me on 4 different supplements:

Tribulus--I told the doctor that since we've been trying to get pregnant for so long, and since I am on an anti-depressant, I have zero sex drive.  This is a problem when TTC, obviously.  It has become a "job" and we have been working off a "schedule."  The Tribulus is to increase vitality...and give me my sex drive back.  It also helps to promote healthy, regular ovulation.  It's supposed to help with my fatigue and insomnia also.

Ovex--This is also supposed to help aid in ovulation.  It basically will help to get my reproductive system on track and working again!

Catalyn--This is kind of a multi-vitamin.  It promotes cellular health, and assists with metabolism.

Zypan--This helps with digestion and protein absorption.  It helps food be digested to the proper parts of the body.

I have been on these supplements for 16 days now, and I'm already noticing changes.  No, I haven't lost any weight, sadly.  But I notice I have a lot more energy, which is huge for me!  I usually feel utterly run down and exhausted ALL THE TIME...but now I don't feel the urge for a midday nap, which I always had to have.  I also think the Tribulus is doing it's job *wink, wink* and hubby is very happy about that! :)

In addition to the supplements, I go into the office once a week to get my chiropractic adjustments and that's making me feel much better, too.  Dr. R's plan is to keep re-evaluating as we go along, and he thinks we'll soon be down to only one visit per month.  He also wants to wait until we are 2-3 months into treatment and then do a 21 day cleanse/body purification program.  I am looking forward to that, too!

Over all, this is not to get me pregnant.  This is to get me HEALTHY, which the doctor thinks will then make a huge difference in TTC.  It all makes sense and it's what I've been needing for a long time.  I can have someone tell me to diet and take better care of myself, but this is actually a PLAN and my doctor's office is actually SUPPORTING me and helping me hold myself accountable.

Baby or no baby, this is what I need right now.  And I am so excited to have a new outlook on things!  I will keep you all posted! :)

My First Visit to the Chiropractor

So I survived my first visit at the Chiropractor(I will refer to him as Dr. R.)  For some reason, I was really nervous!  Luckily, my dear friend, Halee, works there, so I had faith that Dr. R knew what he was doing.  I had to fill out a TON of paperwork to take in with me.  I did a symptom survey that covers issues with each and every body system.  I wasn't sure how it all would relate to my fertility, but now I'm starting to feel hopeful.

Dr. R is not only a DC, he is also a QN(a Quantum Neurologist.)  I know, I had to look it up too!  A QN basically looks at every individual nerve in the body and how they all relate to each other.  I don't know much about it, but Dr. R said that the body is like a bowl of Jell-O: if you poke it somewhere, the whole thing moves.

My visit was just a consultation.  He asked me a ton of questions, did some tests, and took some x-rays.  It seems my major problems lie with my digestive system.  He also sees issues with my liver as a big thing.  He did all these "exercises" on me, pushing and pulling my legs, testing my strength in extremities, etc.  My reproductive system is also an issue, obviously.

I have to go back tomorrow so he can devise a "Care Plan" for me.  He's going to put everything together, look at the x-rays and decide what is going to make me better.  He's not promising to get me pregnant, but there are MANY documented cases where chiropractic treatment was started and 2-3 months later, women with severe infertility issues were pregnant!  That is not his focus.  His focus is on getting my body working at optimal level.  I feel very comfortable with him and he made me feel very at ease.  I believe he's going to come up with a great plan that will make me feel better than I have in YEARS!  And if it helps me to get pregnant, even better!

I will update you all on my Care Plan when I get done tomorrow.

Oh, and if I DO get pregnant, my dear friend says she gets to name my baby...don't worry, she's assured me that Princess Halee Consuela Banana Hammock is a gender neutral name...

Emotionally Drained...Time To Try Something New

As you've probably guessed, I am not pregnant.  And I haven't felt like posting a new blog.  I know I said I was going to leave everything to God, but I can't help it.  I am emotionally beaten down.  After only 2 cycles back in the game, Kris and I decided to take this month off.  I got to the point that I didn't even want to try ever again.  It should NEVER be this hard for ANY woman to have a baby.  It is our gift, and everyone that wants kids should be able to experience it.

With that said, I've decided to go a different route this upcoming cycle.  A very dear friend of mine works for a local chiropractor.  She was telling me stories she's heard about women struggling to get pregnant.  They did all the fertility treatments and tests and spent tons of money.  Then they started going to a chiropractor and after a couple months, they got pregnant!  There are apparently all kinds of documented links between infertility and chiropractic care.  Here's a website if you'd like to read more about it:

http://www.preconception.com/articles/improving-your-chances-of-conceiving/infertility-and-the-chiropractic-link-1411/

I don't know if this will work for me or not, but I am at the point that I'm ready to explore other options.  At present, it costs us roughly between $600-$700 a cycle for fertility treatments.  My first visit to the chiropractor will cost no more than $25, and other visits won't exceed $89...and that includes any kinds of tests and x-rays they may have to do.  That's a HUGE difference.  The best part is that these are the prices even though I don't have insurance!

My friend said she told the chiropractor she works for about me and he is already making plans for my treatment.  They carry lines of herbal supplements and natural products.  Those can get pricey, I'm sure, but I still will be coming in WAY under what I'm currently spending with my doctor.  My first appointment is in 2 days.  I am currently just past ovulation this cycle so I still have a couple weeks until a new cycle starts.  I figure I might as well start now...hopefully I'll be on the road to a successful cycle!  I'll let you know how my first appointment goes!

Quick Recap Part 2--THIS Cycle

So we moved on to the current cycle.  I decided I would NOT stress about getting pregnant.  I've had so much stress with EVERYTHING in my life lately...TTC, family, money, job...that it was getting to a point of making me sick.

My doctor confirmed this when I went in for my U/S last Thursday the 16th .  We did the Femara 5mg CD 3-7 again.  This month when I went in, I had 2 FOLLIES on my left!  Nothing on my right...we've discovered that my right ovary just isn't working like the left.  We've never gotten anything off of it.  But my left ovary is AWESOME!  Lol!  Anyway, she decided to have me do the trigger shot again, and I actually triggered 2 days earlier than last time.  I didn't even bother with OPKs this time.  When she came in to go over things with me she hopped up on the bed (I was in the chair) and she says, "I want you to drink and have sex all weekend!"  She proceded to tell me that stress can play a major role in TTC.  She told me to get some wine, and enjoy a romantic weekend with my hubby.  She said she firmly believes that I will NOT get pregnant if I stay as stressed as I have been.  It's not healthy for my body and it's not healthy for my soul.  She told me what I needed to hear...it was time to stop trying to fix everything, control everything, and just go with the flow.

And that's what I did.  I followed her directions (hubby had zero complaints lol!)  After I knew I had ovulated, I stopped thinking about TTC completely.  I left it in God's hands.  I'm currently 7 days past my trigger, so I'm probably about 4-6 days past ovulation.  I'm noticing some strange things going on with my body, but I refuse to dwell on them...for now.  My fingers are crossed but I'm not going to let my hopes get built up.  If it happens, it happens...I have to leave it up to the Powers That Be.

BUUUTTTT...if I'm still having these "strange" things going on with my body at the end of the weekend, I'll be posting all about them here!  Cautiously optimistic...that's the name of the game.

A Quick Recap For My Awesome Readers--Last Cycle

Oh my goodness, I didn't realize how long it had been since I last blogged!  First off, still not preggers.  I got my hopes up last cycle and when I was let down...once again...I had to take a break from blogging and TTC forums.  Now that I'm back in the "two week wait" once again, I figure now is a good time to bring you all up to speed.


After my HSG and my Femara 5mg on CDs 3-7, I had an U/S on CD 12 to see if we had any follies.  There was a big BEAUTIFUL one on my left side.  I also had a "triple stripe lining" for the first time!  I had never heard of it but apparently, according to my doctor, it's the most PERFECT lining...exactly what they want to see while TTC!  My doctor decided since my follie was so big and everything looked wonderful, she wanted me to take an Ovidrel shot that would "trigger" my ovulation in case my body wouldn't do it on it's own.  She told me to take the shot if I didn't have a positive OPK by the next morning.  I went home and tested that afternoon and had a big +++++!  First time I'd gotten such a clear positive on an OPK.  Even though I was ovulating on my own, I took the trigger shot just to give myself an extra little push.  I sat back and waited for my BFP two weeks later...and it never came.

I had gotten so hopeful and here was yet ANOTHER let down.  I broke down and cried my eyes out and got pissed and broke things and told DH I didn't want to do it any more.  I couldn't take any more disappointments.  I literally felt as if I had hit a brick wall.  Every fiber in my body was exhausted, but every fiber also wanted to keep going.  The stubborn Irish girl in me came out and we decided to move on, put that failed cycle in the past, and prepare for the next one...

I want an "I Survived My HSG" T-Shirt!

So I had my HSG on Friday.  I had planned for it to be anywhere from uncomfortable to OMG!  I have a high pain tolerance, so I was hopeful.  OH. MY. GOD!!!  It was AWFUL!!  I seriously was almost in tears over it.  And I had taken a Darvocet before I went, so I can only IMAGINE what it would have been like had I not taken it!  My Dr. said the reason it was so bad for me was because I'm very "narrow."  And she already told me if we ever DO get pregnant, she's 95% sure I will have to have a C-Section because of it.


The dye part wasn't so bad...it just felt like period cramps, and I usually get them so bad that I'm used to it.  Luckily, everything looks great.  I've read that some women have to roll from side to side to get the dye going.  I didn't have to.  About 3 minutes after the dye was injected, it was over.  I guess my tubes are a little wonky...she says they are a little "curvy" but that it's not uncommon.  Everything was clear which is a relief!  My biggest fear was that I was going to have a blockage and I KNEW that we wouldn't have the money to fix it.  The other exciting thing about the HSG is that studies show that the chance of getting pregnant in the 3 months following the procedure is greater than normal, because it basically flushes you all the way out.

I'm feeling really positive about this month, but I'm not going to get my hopes up just yet...

Expensive Month Ahead!

So I had my first ultrasound today since we went on a 3 month break from TTC.  It was a baseline to make sure all of the mutant follicles had died and to make sure they hadn't stuck around to form cysts.  Everything went great.  My doctor said I was all clear and that everything looked really good.  What a relief!

This is going to be a very expensive month.  Each ultrasound is $220 out of pocket, and I have to have 2 of them this month.  My next ultrasound is next Monday to see if the Femara is working.  I lucked out with the Femara.  I was able to get on their website and print off a coupon for a free 30 day supply.  All I had to do was get my doctor's signature on it.  For 10 pills (5 days) it would have cost me $153!!!  I'm hoping since I only had 5 days worth that they will honor it every time I refill until I've got my 30 days worth.  Even BETTER would be to get lucky this month and to not have to do ANY of this anymore!

I already feel better on the Femara than I did on the Clomid.  On Clomid, I had TONS of annoying side effects.  On the Femara, I have none!  I feel great!  This is probably also due to the supplements I'm taking.  I have more energy than I've had in a long time!  I'm feeling positive for once!

The only concern I have for this month is my HSG.  This Friday, I am going to the hospital to have a hysterosalpingogram, or HSG.  Basically, my doctor will shoot dye into my uterus and watch for it to drain through my fallopian tubes to make sure I don't have any blockages.  I've been putting this off for awhile because it's VERY expensive and from what I've heard, it's also very painful.  But I got to thinking that if there IS a blockage, I'm pretty much flushing my money down the toilet by doing all of these test and taking all these meds.  The big plus is that if you DON'T have a blockage, the HSG flushes you out and your chance of getting pregnant is INCREASED in the 3 months following. (If you want more info: http://www.webmd.com/infertility-and-reproduction/guide/hysterosalpingogram-21590)

Anyway, that's all for updates for now.  I'll post again on Friday and let you know how my HSG went!

Pill Boxes=NOT Just for Old People!

Everyone I've talked to has a different success story on getting pregnant.  From Old Wives Tales to New Age thinking, there's something for everyone.  I think one of the most debated issues is what vitamins and supplements will help you get pregnant and get your body healthy for baby.  After MUCH research on my own and talking to others on TWW, I've come up with my Vitamin/Supplement "menu" for this cycle.

Daily Prenatal Vitamin (Prenatal Plus)
Folic Acid-800mcg/daily
Vitamin C-1000mg/daily
Vitamin B6-100mg/daily
Evening Primrose Oil-3000mg/daily
Baby Aspirin-81mg/daily

Of course, I will also be taking Femara for 5 days, more than likely.  I won't find out my dosage until tomorrow or Friday.

Apparently, these are the top rated vitamins/supplements to take while TTC.  Increasing your Folic Acid cuts your risks of early birth defects by like 70%!  And the EPO used to be considered a "cure-all" for women's health.  Normally, I would freak about taking so many pills, but most of them are things I need to make my body a little healthier anyway!  The worst part is remembering them all.  But don't you worry...I have purchased myself a day of the week pill box.  I now know why little old ladies love them so much.  Now I just have to remember what day it is on a regular basis.

My Psychic Reading Update! *2nd update 08/11*

So I know you've all been waiting on the edge of your seats for me to hear back from psychic Brooke.  Oh, so I know you haven't, but I HAVE, damnit!  And I finally heard back from her last night!!  There were certain things she was eerily right on...and some that were totally not even close.  But her PREDICTIONS were what really had me excited!  I won't post the whole email here, but I'll give you a recap!

Brooke's Predictions:

She sees me conceiving or finding out I'm pregnant in October/November...and she sees my first pregnancy is a BOY!!!  Kris was really excited about that, and I've always kind of thought my first would be a boy.  She said she sees an "abundance of tests" that will lead to my BFP.  I am going to have to plan an HSG in the next couple of months, and I know my doctor will also run blood tests and do LOTS of ultrasounds, so that's dead on!  She also said she sees me taking a prescription, which is ALSO correct, because I will be starting Femara.

She ALSO said she sees me having 3 or more kids!  HOLY COW!!  But that's fine because I've always said as long as I have a home and some love, I'll raise as many kids as I'm given!

Now here's the eerie thing...she says, "What's going on with your home?"  She said she saw remodeling.  Which is TRUE!  We have been working on renovations around our house.  We are in the middle of redoing our bathroom and will soon tackle our living room!  She also says she sees a big move in our future...no way she could have known we plan to move to North Carolina in the next few years!

Here's where her amazing predictions end.  She said she sees my Dr. as being an "older male, over 50."  My Dr. is a female, so that's not correct...unless I have to change Drs. in the future, but I don't see that happening.  She also said the issue lies with Kris, which is also not accurate.  Last time he had tests run, he was perfect!  The issues lie with me and my PCOS.

Regardless, this is all in fun.  I wouldn't take anything like this too seriously.  And unfortunately, there are women out there that are so desperate for a baby, they will spend HUNDREDS of dollars on con artist psychics who will take them for a ride.  I will put SOME faith in this reading...I DO hope to find out I'm pregnant soon!  I just hope she's right...my biggest fear was that she was going to tell me I'd never have kids.  It makes me feel good and gives me hope to have a concrete "goal" I can look to.  I will use her reading as positive re-enforcement to keep me going!  Only time will tell...

**Ok guys, here's another psychic friend update for you!  For fun, I decided to try another psychic to see how far off she would be from my first reading.  I am now even more hopeful!  She ALSO saw October and a Boy!!  And just like Brooke who said she saw 3 or more kids, this one ALSO saw 3 kids...a girl born in 2014 and ANOTHER girl born in 2016!  These readings were a lot of fun, but don't worry, I'm done!  Now it's just time to wait and see if they are both right!**

You say I'm crazy...I GOT your crazy!

So, I may have officially gone off the deep end.  I have no shame (well, maybe a LITTLE shame) in telling you that I consulted with an online psychic today.  Go ahead, get your giggles out...

...all done?  Ok.  So let me explain before you call Kris and have me committed.  My real life peeps don't understand this whole TTC thing because none of them have the problems that I do.  So I religiously post on various TTC forums.  There are MANY debates about online baby psychics.  Lots of people have had AMAZING results and just as many have been left feeling ripped off.  I decided to part with a little bit of money and test this phenomenon out.  Besides, I DID see a psychic when I was in high school, and she was DEAD ON, so I am what you could call a "cautious believer."

I decided to go with Brooke (brooke777.angelfire.com)  I had heard the most positive things about her.  For $20, I was able to ask her 2 questions via email.  All she needed from me was a close up picture of me (so she could look into my eyes *giggle*) and the first names of me and hubby.  Question 1 was "When and Gender" which is standard.  Question 2 was "What procedures/supplements should I be having/using?"  My Dr. wants me to have an HSG (I'll address that in a later post.)  And out of pocket that's FREAKING EXPENSIVE!  I don't want unnecessary tests.

Anywho, Brooke will be sending me a response within 10 days.  I was ok with parting with $20.  I'm not putting a lot of stock into my reading, but after TTC for 35 FREAKING CYCLES, I'm willing to try anything once.  Once I get my reply, I'll let you all know.  If she gets it wrong, I'll be a little wiser and $20 poorer.  If she gets it right...well then, I'll have a baby, won't I?  :)  XOXO til next time!

You Know You're TTC When...

I totally stole this, although I wish I could take credit for it because it is so funny and SO TRUE! I am the member of a WONDERFUL website(http://www.twoweekwait.com/) that acts as a support group, a sounding board, a therapist, and so much more, and this is stolen directly from their site! I just picked the ones that were most relevant to me. And I made a few changes for my non-TTC buddies reading this! Those of you who HAVEN'T struggled with TTC may not appreciate this, but please know, all of it is 100% true in my world! LOL! Enjoy!
You Know You're TTC When...

*The Big 'O' no longer refers to orgasm, but instead to ovulation.

*It no longer strikes you as the least bit odd to check out at the pharmacy with both home pregnancy tests(HPTs) AND tampons in your cart.

*You schedule your social events around your ovulation day. If your ovulation predictor kit(OPK) comes up +, you cancel all social engagements that night so you can "Baby Dance"(BD) & lie with your legs elevated and butt up in the air afterwards(for AT LEAST 30 minutes!)

*You talk using mysterious acronyms that only your TTC buddies understand: ttc, BD, ewcm, bbt, opk, 2ww(POAS, BABYDUST, AF, BFN, BFP...I could go on FOREVER! Lol!)

*Your morning motto is: "Don't talk to me until I've taken my temperature!"

*You put off buying clothes for the upcoming seasons because you're hoping they won't fit by the time the weather changes.

*The thought of nausea makes your heart skip a beat.

*You refer (and think) of your husband, not as his real name, but as the letters DH(dear husband) in real life.

Hope you all got a chuckle thinking about me being even crazier for doing all of these things! LOL! Until next time...

Ya DON'T say!!

Here's a list of things I could do without hearing EVER AGAIN!


"When are you two going to have kids?"

"What are you waiting for, you aren't getting any younger?!"

"Don't you WANT kids?"

"Just give it time!"

"Once you stop trying, it'll happen."

"Maybe it's just not your time yet."

And my PERSONAL favorite: "WOW! EVERYONE is pregnant but you!"


I'm not being a bitch, I promise! I know that not everyone knows what Kris and I are going through. But I feel like nowadays, saying things like this is kind of like asking a woman when she's due...and finding out she's not pregnant, she's just fat(yep, I've had THIS one, too!)


A lot of things suck about infertility. I cannot TELL you how horrible it feels to get on Facebook and see someone ELSE is announcing their pregnancy. Seriously...EVERY. SINGLE. TIME! I know I'm at the age to have friends getting married and having kids but DAMN! I'm happy for them(well, MOST of them) but sad for me! It's like being kicked while you're down.


The worst part of it all is the effect on our families. Most importantly, the effect on Kris. I want nothing more than to make him a daddy. And I can't help but feel moments of shame. Sometimes I wish he'd found a woman who could easily give him a baby, because he SO deserves one! And since he is an only child, I know how badly his parents want a grandchild. Kris is adopted, because his parents weren't able to conceive. And we put off telling them about our troubles...until tonight. Last time I saw his mom she patted my belly and asked, "When are you going to have a bump I can rub?" That is when I decided, it's not fair for MY parents to know what's going on, for our best friends to know what's going on, and not them. So we went to talk to them tonight. It went well. The hardest part was watching my mother-in-law tear up and say that her greatest regret was never being able to experience being pregnant, but that without that struggle, she would never have the AMAZING son she has, and I would never have my AMAZING husband! It felt like a weight lifted off my shoulders. It's out there now. And I'm telling anyone who cares(the reason for this blog!)


I don't know if anyone is reading my blog. I don't know if anyone cares. But it doesn't matter. Putting it down for the world to see is me FINALLY taking my life into my own hands and saying, ya know what? I DON'T have any reason to be ashamed! Lots of women go through fertility issues. Being open and honest is very cathartic! So bring on the questions, world...just don't EVER use any of the phrases above! :)

Oh, Clomid, You Devil In Disguise.

Clomid. The name alone sends chills down my spine. Dr. K decided that our first plan of action would be to put me on a medication called Clomid. It's supposed to help you make healthy eggs and help you to ovulate. She mentioned a SLIGHTLY increased chance of multiple births, but that didn't worry me. When you've been trying so hard for so long, you don't let the thought of a whole baseball team of kids scare you.

I started on Clomid April 2010. My dosage was 100mg daily for cycle days 3-8. This is basically to get those eggies(or "follies") growing. There were TONS of side effects I was warned about and I was a little scared, to be honest. Luckily, I didn't really experience any. On cycle day 10, I went in for an Ultrasound to see if things were brewing. I took my mom with me for moral support. Plus, she's a nurse, so she remembers to ask questions that I forget. The doctor came in and said "So, how do you feel about twins? Or TRIPLETS?" I thought I was gonna pass out! I looked at my mom and she said, "Don't look at me!" The good news was that the Clomid had worked...and worked WELL! I had 3 very beautiful, viable follies, any of which(or ALL of which) had a chance of being fertilized. Basically, she told me if the prospect of multiples didn't scare me, to go home and get to gettin! LOL! In the TTC world, getting it on is referred to as doing the "Baby Dance." So Kris and I were diligent in following doctors orders!

Ovulation kits have never worked for me. Even before I started seeing Dr. K, I could never get a positive result. I assumed I was doing it wrong. But really, how many ways ARE there to pee on a stick?! I tried them anyway, got what I thought was a positive result, then followed a strict Baby Dancing schedule(so romantic, I know!) After Ovulation is the time known as the Two Week Wait. This is the 2 weeks before your monthly visitor drops by when you obsess over every cramp, every headache, thinking everything is a sign of pregnancy. It's like waiting for an acceptance letter for college. I would go to bed CONVINCED I was pregnant, then wake up knowing there was no way! This went on for 2 weeks. Of course, the results were negative. It SUCKED!!

On to cycle 2 of the Clomid. Same dosage, but for one extra day. That alone scared me! If I could end up with the possibility of triplets after 6 days, how many could I end up with after taking it for 7 days?!? But I trudged along and waited for my monthly Ultrasound. I wasn't prepared for what the doctor told me. As she was checking me out she said, "What in the WORLD?!" For a brief, shining moment, I thought, "Oh my gosh! I took the test too soon and I AM pregnant!" Yeah, no. The Clomid had turned my body into kind of a radioactive swamp, you could say. You know how you get like fish with 7 eyes and deformed ducks and stuff? Yep, that was my body! I had at least 23 eggs that were produced due to the Clomid! And they were MASSIVE! One of them, I kid you not, measured in at a WHOPPING 5cm!! That's half of the dilation needed to deliver a baby! See example in link below to get an idea!
http://www.ahutton.com/cgw/clipart-hosp/Effacement%20&%20Dilation%20Chart%20OF-3-spanish.jpg

Needless to say, Dr. K decided Clomid wasn't going to work for us. My body just wasn't ovulating at all, which is, once again, directly linked to the PCOS. In fact, I had to go on birth control for a month to kill all of my Teenaged Mutant Ninja Follicles off! Boy did THAT suck! In my head I'm like, ok, I came to the doctor to help me get pregnant and she's putting me on THE PILL?!? But it was, of course, a necessary evil. Not to mention, I couldn't button my pants, I was so swollen!

After that we took a couple months off. Partly because of financial reasons, partly for emotional ones. We have a new plan of action. Next up is a drug called Femara. I've heard wonderful things about it, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. We go back to the doctor next month.

Somebody Get Me An Umbrella!

It sucks to be poor! We aren't living in an alley, but we are just like the average American couple working and having nothing to show for it because the majority of our income goes towards paying bills. My husband, like many others, has been laid off twice in as many years. He always lands something else soon after because, God bless him, he is the HARDEST worker I know, and employers see that in him.

When we finally began coming to terms with the fact that there was something wrong in the "Baby Making" department, we knew we were venturing into uncharted (and expensive) territory. We knew that once he found a job that offered insurance, and once it was insurance we could actually AFFORD without having to eat Ramen noodles for every meal, we would find a doctor.

In March, the insurance FINALLY came. I found a doctor (I'll refer to her as Dr. K) who I was really comfortable with and it was as if the storm clouds were finally parting to let a little sunshine through. She took one look at me and said, "You've got belly fat around your midsection...a spare tire!" Gee thanks, Doc! I know you're pointing out the obvious but you should at least take me out to lunch before an observation like that! She soon filled me in that this is a clear cut sign that there IS a reason I haven't been able to get pregnant. She diagnosed me with Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS.)

I don't want to bog you down with the details of PCOS...I had never even HEARD of it before I was told that I have it. There are many different signs and symptoms with the condition, and here's a great website if you'd like to know more or think you might have the same thing: http://www.pcosupport.org/

Long story short: When it comes time for my little eggies to move on down the fallopian tube highway, they just stay there, become cysts and eventually "pop!" No eggs in the fridge, no bun in the oven! Bottom line is that PCOS is a big ole cluster of issues that are keeping me from getting pregnant. Kris had all of the *ahem* manly tests done and he's at optimal baby making level, so at least the problems only lie with me.

Dr. K said there would be several different things we would try. She said "When you get pregnant" not "If you get pregnant" which was unexpectedly emotional for me. I was ready to jump in with both feet. Then, of course, the bottom fell out again. Kris got laid off. We lost our insurance. Cue the storm clouds...

Right now we're just living month to month, in regards to EVERYTHING. So far, we've only been able to work with Dr. K for 3 months, which really sucks. I was so stoked to move forward. And it's irritating when people tell me, "Oh, once you quit trying, it'll happen!" No, it won't. I know you're trying to make me feel better but it doesn't. We are pretty much 100% guaranteed to NOT get pregnant without help. Now is just a matter of trial and error...and errors sure are EXPENSIVE!

Take Your Shoes Off, Stay Awhile...

Welcome to my second post! If you're reading this, I want to thank you for your interest in my story. I hope you'll continue to follow me and I pray that one day, I'll be able to use this blog to share the GREAT NEWS that we're expecting. Until then, I hope you'll take a few minutes to get to know me and my amazing hubby, Kris.

Like I said in my first post, I'm 25 and he's 31. We've been together for 5 years and married for 3 years in October. We have 3 fur babies: Duchess(black lab), Memo(hound/mutt), and Ollie(toy fox terrier.) We live in Ohio, but are planning on moving to North Carolina within the next 5 years. Kris is a propane delivery driver and has been a volunteer firefighter for 12 years. I'm an EMT and will be returning to school in January to become a Paramedic. I have a half brother and a half sister, 4 nieces, and 2 nephews. Kris is an only child and he was adopted as a newborn.

We have a wonderful family and wonderful friends that we CALL family! Our marriage isn't perfect. We fight over dishes and money, but never over the remote! He has more magazines in the bathroom than you could find at a news stand, and he doesn't understand why my make-up seems to multiply overnight and takes up so much shelf space(space he could be using for his growing library!) But even when we fight, we never go to bed angry, and we always say "I love you" when we hang up the phone.

Life is unpredictable. I can say that if I have my way, I will keep this amazing man for the rest of my life. I don't believe there is anything that can't be fixed when both parties are 100% committed to each other.

The Long and Winding Road

From the time I was 4 years old, I knew I wanted to be a mommy. Of course, I knew nothing about babies, just that I wanted one. When fourth grade rolled around and we had our "Birds and Bees" talk where they split the girls and boys up, I changed my mind. If that's what I had to do to get one, then count me OUT! Of course, over the years, my way of thinking changed again. My life followed the "typical" path: met THE ONE, got engaged, bought a house, got married...finally, it was time for the baby in the logical sequence of things. Unfortunately, that's where things diverge from the straight and narrow.

Hi, my name is Megan and I'm 25 years old. I met my hubby, Kris(31) in May '05 and we were engaged by October '05. We married in October '07 and began our "Happily Ever After." We immediately began trying to get pregnant. I had been on the pill for 2 years so we were prepared to not get lucky right away. What we were NOT prepared for was 3 years of trying with no success.

This blog will be to track our journey to "Chasing The Elusive Bump." Feelings, meltdowns, doctor's appointments, tests, I'm sharing it all! I will try to break up my posts as much as possible so they don't seem to run on forever. I'm new to this blogging thing, and I'm a little scared to be opening myself up and putting it all out there. But I KNOW I'm not alone, and I hope sharing my story with other women out there will be both therapeutic AND good for my Karma. Check back often, and thanks for taking this journey with me!